Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize