i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
