Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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