I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
