Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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