You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Randomize
