He told me they were just razor bumps!
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
