News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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