are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
we made out on top of his cat.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
