So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
