I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
