You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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