I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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