U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
