Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
