Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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