The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
