Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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