you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
