the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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