Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
