Well douche your snatch and let's go!
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
