For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
