I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
