Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
