The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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