Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
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