my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
