It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
