I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
