Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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