you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
