I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
so let's talk penis.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
