Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I just gift wrapped bread.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Can't talk, ducks in the car
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
