i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
