do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize