The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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