Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I have fence marks all over my body
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
