You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
