Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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