I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize