I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
