so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
