ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i just google imaged poop.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
