Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize