Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
