apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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