whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
