Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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