bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Barsexuality is the new black.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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