Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Randomize
