it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
