does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
