I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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