there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
