I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
