so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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