i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
