Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
