If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
