I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
