im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
