Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
im six kinds of drunk right now
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Randomize
