They should really pass out barf bags in church
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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