I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
