you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize