well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
