Need sex. Gaining weight.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
The air taste purple.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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