Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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