Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
