Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
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