Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
