i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
