You really coming over, don't trick.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I can text with my tongue
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
