I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize