is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
