Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
