Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
You left your phone here
Wait...
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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