I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
