She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You dont lie about slip and slides
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
