Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
