You really coming over, don't trick.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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