I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
