I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Randomize