help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
