I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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