if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
