Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
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