Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
