I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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