Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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