all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I want to be your penis for a week.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Randomize
