Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
