now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Blood and glitter go together right?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
