careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
