if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize