We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
