The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
being pregnant is like rehab
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
