I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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