we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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