In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
